Squirrel army.
August 15th, 2009
| Tags: fictional scenarios
I wonder how many squirrels it would take to overpower and kill a man who was armed with say, a machete? Obviously the squirrels aren’t your typical see human, run away squirrels. These are like, vicious squirrel army squirrels. They’re not smart enough to go for major arteries or anything, but they can bite like a motherfucker. And let’s say the dude with the machete is in pretty good shape, and knows how to handle a blade, but he isn’t a pro with one. He’s like, an ex-military guy, and has some basic training with things like machetes.
How many of these squirrels would it take to overpower this dude with a machete? I say about forty.
That squirrel is adorable. And it seems to have been practicing for Bowling Ball.
The scenario you paint is not that impossible… I’m unsure of the susceptability of squirrels to rabies, but that is the sort of behaviour it elicits, as well as making them strong as a mofo and nigh unkillable. I heard of a lady that got attacked by a rabid raccoon, and her son was attempting to beat it to death with a huge stick… it took like half an hour beating it on the head and holding it down with a log. With squirrels? Easier, but you’d have to like, cut off important parts to get them to stop. Machetes aren’t exactly the sharpest weapons in the world either, they’re more about slashing broadly than precision cuts, so you may have picked a bad weapon for small, fast animals.
Regular squirrels… 20. Rabid… 5.
@ssjessiechan
Dude, raccoons can weigh like, forty pounds. A rabid raccoon and five rabid squirrels are different things.
I’m hesitant to say I had a “pet raccoon” back in the day. But, there was a small raccoon, I don’t know how young, it had been abandoned in my barn, at the house I used to live in. It was makin’ a heck of a racket, so I took it inside, read up online about what they eat, and what to feed them and shite, and did that for a while till it got pretty big, then I set it loose outside, and it hung around my barn for a few years, I don’t know if it got itself killed, or if it decided to toss off, or what. What I’m getting at is, I have first hand experience with raccoons. They’re fucking huge, and they’re very capable of fucking shit up. I can totally understand why it’d take such an effort to get a raccoon to back off of someone in a situation like that. But squirrels weigh like, what, a kilo, tops? It’d take way more than five rabid squirrels to down a man. I could totally see twenty rabid, organized squirrels that are heckbent for blood taking down a dude armed with a machete, but I think five is way too few.