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So, I recently moved from America, to Canada, and holy balls, the women up here look fantastimazing. My list of five most attractive women ever has been dominated by Canadians. Two of my friends who happen to be Canadian are probably the two most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, this lady who works at my school is so frakking beautiful, as well as that lady at the bank, she is gorgeous. And I’ve been wondering, why are Canadian women so god damned pretty? And I think I’ve figured it out.

Corn.

Or, a lack thereof. You see, about forty years ago, America decided food needed to be cheaper, and more plentiful, so what they did was industrialize and subsidize corn. Why? Because you can put corn in anything, and they put it in everything. Americans are made of corn, because corn is in everything. Everything contains corn. Beef, poultry and pork contain corn, because those animals were raised on corn. Every soft drink is loaded with high fructose corn syrup, things are fried in oil that contains corn. It’s everywhere, and there’s lot of it to go around, so there’s lots of food to go around, and people are consuming all of it.

So, I think a less homogenized diet is why Canadian women are so beautiful. They get what they need in their diet, I’m sure America’s corn lust has trickled up into Canada, but there’s no way it’s as bad as it is in America. And there’s really nothing Americans can do about it. Wages suck in America, and if you want to eat, you have to buy what’s cheap, and if you’re buying what’s cheap, you’re going to be eating a lot of corn products and byproducts, and you’re not going to be getting all the proteins you need, you’re not going to be getting the vitamin A, or the iron you need. It sucks, America frakked up big time when they decided to industrialize and subsidize corn. I don’t think they understood what was happening when they did, and I think it’s too late to undo it. The only thing that can change this is the people. The people of America need to say ‘Fuck you and your shitty foods, I’m going to stop buying this processed shit, and start eating things that haven’t been processed to hell and back’, but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. A lot of people need to eat, and they can only afford to eat what, well, what they can afford, and a lot of what a lot of people can afford is shit that’s been processed to hell and back, so it’s reciprocal, and I don’t think there’s any chance for change in sight, and the other people aren’t informed, and no one’s going to inform the. The government is going to tell them they’re eating poorly, they’re the ones who industrialized corn, they don’t want people to stop eating it. Their friends aren’t going to tell them, either, because no one’s telling them. It’s a reciprocal problem that not enough people are trying to fix.

Basically, America’s screwed. The nations health is a problem, and people either can’t do, or aren’t doing anything about it.

I have no idea where this tangent came from, and I don’t know where the hyperbole starts or ends, but there it is.

I’m attending Metalworks Recording Institute up here in THIS IS CANADA, and in one of our classes we were tasked with making a musical instrument, one of my buddies, Aaron, made a cello/violin ordeal out of a make up box, he calls it THE TRILLO, and it sounds fantastic. I got this recording of it when I swung by his place, check it out;

My first thought when I heard it was ‘Holy shit, I need to record this at the highest sample rate possible, then slow it down for use in sound design’. The audio in the video was recorded with a Zoom H2 that was placed inside the instrument itself. After I got the video of him playing, I got some recordings of him just playing each string unfretted, I haven’t played with those yet, but they sound so awesome, I’m sure I’ll find some use for them.

I’ve been looking for a ‘dirty propeller’ sound for a personal project I’m working on. There’s a really nasty looking, mean looking, dilapidated, propeller driven aircraft carrier in this project. It’s really cool, and the more I think about it, the more the design makes sense. It’s the bad guys vessel, it’s so run down it looks it can fall out of the sky at any second, and I think that says ‘Look at us, we have so many more people than you that we can afford to lose a whole vessel and it’s crew, and we’ll still come after you!’, it’s a cool, subtle message to send.

Anyway, on my way to school, I walk past this factory that has a ventilation fan that sounds particularly mean, and dirty. I got a recording of it, and I’m totally going to process it to use as my mean sounding prop, here’s the recording;

I know there’s some squeaking and hammering in the background, but I think that works in its favour. The squeaking makes it sound like something is about to break, and hammering makes it sound like something has already broken, they’re trying to fix it mid-flight, and they’re doing a half assed job of it by using a hammer.

I turn completely retarded;

The point of all this was to get some recordings so I could make some sounds for Zinger!, the wonderfully whimsical putt-putt game I’m working on with Brandon, Chad, and a few other people. The finished product came out something like this.

So, one night, whilst drinking on Skype, I had the one, the inimatable, Ryan “The Baxe Murderer” Murtha on the other end of the line (his weapon of choice is a baseball bat with an ax at the end, hence “The Baxe Murderer”). When we started talking, I did a mic check, and for some reason, I recorded this mic check. Being drunk, I thought ‘holy SHIT, that was a funny mic check! I must remix it into a techno song!”, so I did, and this is what happened;

I’m usually really excited about the Olympics. In 2006, I got to watch Darius Kasparaitis in the Olympics, and his goal was to make the team in 2010. Age (like, in years, not like the lovely proprietor of pink-spider.net) has finally caught up to Kaspar, and he’s not the player he used to be. He’s still a darned good defenseman, he’d be an asset to Team Russia, and I don’t think anyone would argue with that (Sans Philly fans, who’ve had to deal with him when he was the Islanders, Penguins, and Rangers), but he didn’t make the cut.

As I’m sure most people are aware; Jussi Jokinen is my favourite player still playing in the NHL. I’ve even drawn pictures of him, see?!

I was really excited about seeing him play for Team Finland in 2010. He’s easily one of the ten best Finnish players in the NHL, and probably one of the 15 best Finnish players currently playing. Surely he’s a shoo-in. I was so excited about it! I had set aside a couple hundred bucks to buy a team Finland jersey with his name on it. It’d be so great to watch him get a medal. Silver, bronze. Gold, maybe? I’d just be happy to see him play, of course I’d be happier to see him get a medal, but to see him play on the biggest hockey stage in the world, that’d be great, one of the highlights of my year.

Alas, roster announcements come, and Jussi Jokinen name isn’t mentioned. I think ‘Ha! This must be some bad translations, right? There’s no way Jussi Jokinen got the snub. I’ll check it out tomorrow’. I check it again, he’s not on the roster. I check it later, thinking maybe it was a preliminary roster? But he’s not on it, not even as a reserve. I was pretty upset. Now, on February 13th, with the Olympics about to start, it’s horribly clear that Mr. Jussi Jokinen is not going to be playing in Vancouver this February.

As such, I have no interest in the Olympics. No offense to team Canada, or team USA, the teams which I suppose I should back, but I’m a fan of players first, not teams or nationalities. With Jussi out of the picture, there’s not a lot for me to be interested in. And with the rink surface being only 85′ wide, the medal games are going to end up being a mismatched NHL All-Star game.

Sigh. Jokinen’s a young guy, surely he’ll make the team in 2014, right?

Since the Holidays are well past, and I’ve given away SUPER SECRET PRESENTS that aren’t so secret anymore, I can blag about these!

I made my friend Kat a pretty radtacular Battlestar Galactica jacket, complete with a BSG insignia and Viper patch on the shoulders, a Viper Vigilantes Patch, and a K. Thrace name tap on the left and right breast, topped off with some Kara Thrace dog tags. It was all slapped onto an MA-1 flight jacket replica from Alpha Industries. It was pretty rad! If I could git into jackets that small, I probably would have kept it, it was just that rad! But wait, there’s more! I also slapped on a transparent pocket that housed a Viper Pre-Flight checklist. The checklist recreations came out looking really awesome, and I frakkin’ know some people would like to have these for their own jacket and/or costume projects, so here they are!

I really like 01011001 by Ayreon. It might be my favourite record of the decade, and it’s definitely my favourite metal album from the oughts. You can be a metal purist and say it’s not metal, but it’s definitely not a rock record, nor is it a prog-rock record, so to me, it defaults itself into the “metal” category. The entire album tells a story, the first act, Y, tell the tale of life in Western culture, as we experience it today, the second act, EARTH, tells an epic science fiction story that you can very easily find more interesting than the music itself. However, my favourite track from the album comes from the first act, and that track is “Connect the Dots”. Very rarely does a song click with me, and for some reason, Connect the Dots did. The gist of it is; Western culture is wasteful, but it explains way in very subtle ways, and right here, RIGHT THE FRAK NOW, I am going to pick apart every last bit of the song.

“I hugged the wife and drove to work today
It was only a few miles”

Drove to work today, it was only a few miles. We choose to drive short distances, rather than to walk, when there’s no reason to drive. It’s a burden to the environment, our resources, and our wallets.

“Was in no hurry, but the lights were changing up ahead
So I stepped on the gas”

Running yellow lights is something that will in the short run make your life easier, or give you a reward, however, you’re weighing a risk against a reward.

“I checked the Mac, I left it on over night
Downloading all the latest files
Peer-to-peer, the torrent flows into my lap
And I disconnect”

We choose to pirate our media, rather than buy it. For us, we get an immediate reward, but in the long run, it’s detrimental to us, and it already has been detrimental to us. DRM, and the DMCA were birthed out of our lust for instant satisfaction, and few will argue those have been positive things.

“We all know no need to remind us
We all know we won’t connect the dots
We all know locked away inside us
We are dying for tomorrow
We are living for today”

To me, this is the most important part of the song. We all know, no need to remind us. We all know what we do today, that is quicker and easier, and bad for us, will be detrimental to us in the long run. Almost every line of the song points to this. We all know, we won’t connect the dots. A lot of us do these things that are inherently detrimental to our well being, but we choose to ignore it, because it makes living in the moment easier, we may know it, but we deny it. This is what “We are dying for tomorrow, we are living for today” means.

“I rushed back home to my family
I got my son a brand new game
No need to cook, I picked up fast food on the way
And it’s finger-licking good”

Again, something that makes living in the moment easier, but is detrimental to our overall long-term well being. You can buy fast food, and get immediate satisfaction, however it’s a financial, and health burden. Making something at home will take longer, but it will generally cost less, and be better for you. As well, rushed back home, driving fast to get a reward in favour of a risk. The risk is the danger that comes with speeding, the reward is getting to your destination quicker.

“Have you seen little Steve today?
Guess he’s still up there in his room
But if he comes down tell him I’ll be right here just staring at the tube
Playing his game”

Rather than taking his son outside, to a museum, to a sporting event, either to watch or play, or taking him to do something social, he instead buys him a videogame. It’s an easier form of entertainment to just sit in front of a TV, rather than having to drive (or walk) somewhere with his son, or to have to sign him up to a football, soccer, or lacrosse team. A game is immediate gratification which has no physical, and fewer social rewards than other activities.

“Don’t you think it’s rather warm tonight
Especially for the time of year
I turn up the air pull my sheets up to my chin
And I close my eyes”

Don’t you think it’s rather warm tonight, especially for the time of the year. This is definitely a comment on global warming, which if you’ve listened to the song thus far, we know it’s being attributed to needless driving, and other wasteful things. I turn up the air, pull the sheets up to my chin. This is also wasteful, to turn the air on, and pull the sheets all the way up to your chin. Again, it makes living in the moment more comfortable, but drains resources, and costs money in the long run.

“Can’t relax, can’t fall asleep
Should I take another pill?
I turn up the lights, light up a cigarette and smile
I’ve got it made”

Can’t relax, can’t fall asleep. Perhaps a stressful lifestyle is keeping you up? Lack of exercise, and too many calories keeping you awake? You can interpret this as you please. The last two lines, smoking, it does give you a reward, but again, it’s detrimental to your health, and “I’ve got it made”, which I take to mean “I’ve got it made where I’m at, so I don’t feel the need to try harder to get to get someplace better”.

It’s a really cool song, and it’s got a lot going on! I’m sure it’s open to interpretation, so if you have any comments, feel free to add them.

I’ve been playing games for a very long time, about 15, 16 years or thereabouts, but I’ve never had this large a flood of games in my queue of “Shit to play”. In the past three weeks, I have bought:

Descent 1 & 2
Descent 3
Fallout 1
Fallout 2
Shattered Steel
Sacrifice
X-Com UFO Defense
X-Com Terror from the Deep
X-Com Apocalypse
X-Com Interceptor
X-Com Enforcer
Mount & Blade
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
Shinobi (For the PS2)
Spyro the Dragon: Ripto’s Rage
Spyro the Dragon: Year of the Dragon
And Eternal Sonata.

This list of games has only cost me $48, yay for sales.

I don’t think I’m going to buy any more games for a while. I have enough shit to keep me busy.

Awesome.